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Let's Get An '08 Ball And Do Some Party Lines

Should Have Stuck With Heidi Montag: John McCain’s Fundraiser Looks Like The Next Season Of The Surreal Life

08.28.08 by Ande | 7 Comments | Digg This

What do the list of celebs we’re about to show you all have in common – besides being future contestants on some reality show that features the word “celebrity” in the title? These are the only celebrities John McCain could rally for a recent fundraiser at the Beverly Hilton.

While we’re not saying celebrity players should any sort of sway in the election, but just take a look at the respective lineups here:

Behind Barack Obama, we have every celebrity worth gossiping about.

Behind John McCain, we have… a Baldwin. And not even the one from 30 Rock.

Not that Hollywood is anything like high school, but this looks like a playground face-off between the kids who are not just geeks, but dumb geeks (a tough way to go through school) and the straight-A studs with their older siblings’ fake IDs who are getting laid on a regular basis. It’s shameful, really.

After the jump, we present John McCain’s all-star lineup.

Stephen Baldwin

The unfortunate recovering drug addict, born again, runt of the Baldwin bunch. Constantly getting tea bagged by older brother Alec and having his head swished in the toilet by Billy while having to be the look-out on crack runs for Daniel may have done some damage. Also, he’s probably gay.

Pat Boone

Also a Born-Again Christian. He was a popular singer in the 50’s and 60’s but is pretty much irrelevant today. He may or may not be the guy that wore a ‘coon skin cap.

Wilford Brimley

He old. He angry. His die-a-bee-tus commercials were condescending. Why is there an old man on TV yelling at my six-year-old self about paying too much for insulin? What did I do?

Dean Cain

Wait, a Princeton-educated former hearthrob? One of these Republicans is not like the others… I thought he was a typo, but I have to give John credit for lining up Superman, even if Dean only played him on TV in the 90’s.

Jon Cryer

Prepare to get a foot in your ass the next time Martin Sheen visits the set of Two and a Half Men.

Robert Duvall

Not really surprising. Duvall seems like a prick, and John McCain has the “Bushy Moustache” vote on lock.

Angie Harmon

She’s hot. But not Scarlett Johansson, Charlize Theron, democrat hot. She’s the Republican party homecoming queen. And on her court – Heidi Montag and Anne Coulter.

Patricia Heaton

Remember when this idiot threatened to go on a hunger strike when they were trying to pull the plug on Terry Schiavo – who was in the coma because on an eating disorder. Brilliant.

Lorenzo Lamas

Are You Hot? No.

Nice shotgun, though.

Craig T. Nelson

Again, not surprising. Although Poltergeist is a great movie. The “Bolo Tie Vote” goes hand-in-hand with the bushy mustaches.

Gail O’Grady

Let me consult the wiki on this one: Married and divorced four times. Got her start in a Pepsi commercial. Now she’s on Boston Legal. Still have no idea who she is.

Jason Sehorn

Football player married to the Republican homecoming queen. He’s been hit in the head so many times, he probably has a worse memory than McCain himself.

Gary Sinise

Leeyuutennant Dayannnn!?

Jon Voight

An entire generation only knows this guy as Angelina’s crazy-ass dad.

Please God, don’t let Stephen Baldwin be on the winning team.

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