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Japanese Commercial Star Nic Cage Leads the Box Office to the worst weekend in five years: A Tone Poem to Nic Cage

09.10.08 by Sarah | 7 Comments | Digg This

Nic, fuck the haters.

It’s easy to tsk-tsk over Cage’s career; to look at his fall from Minor Indie God to Hacky Action Hero and lament what could have been. (Parallel Cage with Johnny Depp, who went from That Bizarre Guy in Indie/Low-Budget Films to That Bizarre Guy in Billion-Dollar Summer Blockbusters.)

But Cage is like some kind of idiot savant.

Whether he’s eating a cockroach in Vampire’s Kiss or delivering some truly weird line readings in Peggy Sue Got Married, I’m pretty sure he just barges into his weirdness full-steam ahead and figures he’ll let the editors sort it out. Most of the time Cage is auto-pilot: unaware that there seems to be a movie going on around him. But Sometimes he has unbelievably great taste in a film and adds a level of nuance to a role that only a master actor could do (read: Adaptation).

Wicker Mans (Awesomely terrible!) outweighs the National Treasures (Boring! Not enough bee attacks!), we’ll always love him. So what if Pajiba compared watching his latest, Bangkok Dangerous, with the act of stabbing yourself in the taint with a pair of scissors while getting repeated swirlies in a public toilet? It’s got a scene where Cage cuts a man’s arm off with a boat propeller, then plucks the gun out of his severed hand and shoots him with it. That’s the sweet Cage hilarity we can’t get enough of, and it’s got to be worth the price of admission.

Incidentally, his next project is called Kick-Ass, so there’s no way that’s not going to be a laff riot. And we should all go see it; Cage needs the money. According to Forbes he recently got caught deducting personal expenses for little things, like his private jet. Hey, who hasn’t been there? And he now owes the IRS the sum of… $666,000.

Bonus: The Japanese are no fools, they’ve parlayed his catchy grotesqueness into a series of Sankyo Pachinko commercials.

God Speed, Ye Balding Emperor. God Speed


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