Charlie and the Real Girl: Dumping Your Rubber Girlfriend in the Woods. Literally

09.19.08 by Sarah | 1 Comment | Digg This

This would make for an interesting, if short, episode of CSI:

A 60-year-old man, having lived with his rubbery companion for a few years after his wife passed away, decided to move in with his kids and felt like it was time to move on. He was too attached to chop his former lover up into pieces and toss her out with the trash, so he did what any respectable guy would do: stuck her in a sleeping bag, brought her to a remote, wooded area and dumped her.

After “she” was discovered by hikers who called the police, the man came forward, because he’s Japanese and they’re just conscientious like that.

Anyone who’s seen the BBC America documentary Love Me, Love My Doll can tell you that social skills don’t tend to be the strong point of people who own life-size sex toys. At least he spared her the violent end that was allegedly met by Charlie Sheen’s Real Doll:

“They couldn’t stop laughing at him,” the source told the Daily News. “Charlie got so mad that he ran the girls out of his house. Then he took a meat cleaver and chopped one of the doll’s hands off. He and his bodyguard tried to dispose of it, like it was a real body. They wrapped it in a blanket and drove around in the middle of the night till they found a dumpster.”

This is “Richard Gere and the gerbil” for the ’00s. I want to hear schoolchildren talking about this 20 years from now. Make it happen, people!

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