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We Write About Movies So Ben Lyons Doesn’t Have to!: Dane Cook Just Isn’t That Into You

10.15.08 by Ande | 13 Comments | Digg This

Welcome to another edition of ranting and raving about a movie trailer before Ben Lyons can drag his knuckles all over it and declare it “the best movie trailer of October 2008, this year.”

For those of you without a kitty cage (read: VAGINA), here’s some background on this flick. ‘He’s just not that into’ was a line uttered in a season 6 episode of Sex and the City. “Pick-A-Little, Talk-A-Little,” in which Miranda has the epiphany that maybe the dude who isn’t returning her calls is simply “just not that into” her. This was Miranda’s mantra to all single women who were puzzeled about their M.I.A. lovers.

The concept was simple enough to make sense to every single and ready to mingle lady with a profile on match.com. The mantra was wholly embraced and soon those six little words morphed into many other unnecessary words in the form of a best selling book.

And now for the self-help masterpiece is on the big screen. Here’s what we learn from the trailer: Chicks are needy. Guys don’t like commitment. Gay guys make great pets. In other words, holy generalizations Batman - and at the same time, totally fucking, duh!

—Here’s the movie’s first fatal flaw. Dane Cook is not in this movie! He’s not any of the douchey guys. He’s not the nice guy Scarlett, or Ginnifer, or Drew will end up falling for at the end. He’s not even one of the over-acting gay dudes. Come on!

—Fail number two - hot chicks repeatedly being rejected. To quote Seth Myers and Amy Poeler, “Really?!” Really semi-hot man in bar, you’d refuse to give your number to adorable Gennifer Goodwin, really?!

I’m sure this movie will have some sort of uplifting message of self empowerment, buy a vibrator, girl power!, seek comfort in your gays, intermixed with its misogynistic undertones, but I would rather spend a romantic evening dumpster diving with a homeless man than have to sit through the retelling of the same old story of hetero malfunction from the foggy lensed male perspective.

And besides, I’m still waiting by the phone for Ben Lyons to call and ask me to be his date to the premiere.

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