This morning the MSM is decreeing that the “real winner” of last night’s third and final presidential debate was neither Obama nor McCain (except it was totes Obama), but Joseph Wurzelbacher, aka “Joe the Plumber”.
In the spirit of our muckraking forefathers, PSI has hopped on the Google and turned up some interesting (if by “interesting” you mean “face-palmingly hilarious”) facts about Joe the Plumber.
Such as the fact that he has no plumbing license and the news that he allegedly wants to buy the business that employs him is a bit of a shock to the owner of said business.
And while it’s no surprise that he wants to vote for McCain, seeing as how he makes about a quarter of a million dollars a year (Joe Six-Pack-of-Blood-Diamonds!!), it’s moot, because the man isn’t registered to vote in his home state of Ohio, and the deadline to do so is past.
Also, real plumbers hate him — the United Association of the Plumbing and Pipe slapped their endorsement on Obama back in January. Way to scab it up, Joe.
Much like what happened with Sarah Palin, Joe the Plumber memes are sprouting up thicker than angry outbursts at a McCain rally. Some lil’ smarty has created a Joe the Plumber tumblr (“Joe the Plumber will NOT be seeing Beverly Hills Chihuahua with Mrs. Plumber”) , a twitter (“thanks for the support guys! stop looking at my crack.”), and and a Café Press store.
Of course, you haven’t really arrived on the political scene until Hustler announces they’re making a porno version of your life (btw, greatest political porn trilogy: Layin’ Pipe, Nalin’ Paylin, Spitz Her.
Layin’ Pipe, currently in pre-production, is being directed by Jerry T. Sexy TILF (tradesman I’d like to fuck) Joseph Petcka will be playing the role of Joe Wurzelbacher. Layin’ Pipe will feature five hard-core scenes, including a threeway with other pander-worthy icons, namely Mother of Iraqi Solider Against the War and Teacher In Tennessee Who Can’t Afford Her Parents’ Nursing Home.
Enjoy the brouhaha while you can, because pretty soon (like “end of this week” soon) he’ll be exposed as a Republican plant. Maybe not, after all this isn’t Joe’s fault that McCain initially brought him up as sob story in already heart-heartbreakingly dirty campaign.
UPDATE: Furthermore, according to the New York Times Caucus Blog, Joe is not only a union scab and never apprenticed, he OWES BACK TAXES! Also, his full name is Samuel J. Wurzelbacher, so the myth that is Joe the Plumber has been completely unraveled: Sam, who’s not really a plumber and can’t vote and doesn’t pay his taxes anyway is just bitching about the hypothetical situation in which he buys a business that his boss doesn’t necessarily want to sell him.
UPDATE 2: Wait, he is registered to vote, but not in his own name. He’s registered as “Samuel Joseph Worzelbacher,” leading us to question whether he’s a citizen, or indeed, a human being, at all. WHEN WILL THE LYING AND DECEPTION END?! (Thanks to Martina from Ohio for the correction).