Calling all lesbians who were once enticed by the platonic musings of three chunky boarding school girls (and the slim gay one) and their aging den mother, your day has arrived! The Facts of Life is finally being turned into the gay porn it was always meant to be. The Dirty Facts of Life (come on, how could you let The Fucks of Life get cut during that pre-production meeting?) comes out (double zinger!) on November 18.
FofL (that’s what the insiders –omg that’s a vagina joke!– call it) went off the air twenty years ago. Last we left off, the girls were living in a house and running a sweets shop called Edna’s Edibles – if the porn producers don’t utilize that location into a raucus fuckfest then the porn will be an epic fail. According to the internets, The Dirty Facts of Life promises to be
“a kinky and wild twist on the relationships between the girls of the Eastwood School and their lesbian housemother Mrs. Garris. The girls get scared when they suspect Mrs. Gariss of going straight after a visit by the plumber. Together they devise a plan to win her back to her lesbian roots by seducing her. Throughout the day Mrs. Garris defends herself against their sexual advances in the name of good housekeeping. (SPOILER ALERT) But in the end everyone wins in a triumphant orgy.“
There’s no mention of a cameo by the not-yet-hunky George Clooney character or Cousin Geri, Blair’s comedian cousin with cerebral palsy.