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Give me cable or give me death

WE PRE-EMPTIVELY REVIEW MOVIES SO BEN LYONS DOESN’T HAVE TO: SHARKS IN VENICE, 2008′S SNAKES ON A PLANE?

11.13.08 by Sarah | 2 Comments | Digg This

No, it’s not some pot-fueled YouTube joke, apparently Sharks in Venice is all too real.

Grade: A+++ MOTHERFUCKERS!

Tagline: The most fearsome predator in the sea comes to Venice.”

Starring: Stephen “I found God and all I got was this ridiculous Jaws rip-off” Baldwin.

Release date: December 14… on SciFi Channel!

C’mon, you didn’t seriously think this turd was going to be in theaters, did you? Directed by: Danny Lerner, director of such cinematic gems as Raging Sharks and Shark Zone. Do you see a pattern emerging here?

There’s no way this movie is not going to be so ludicrously bad it’s good. More stock footage than an Ed Wood movie, CGI that looks like it’s been sitting in cold storage since 1993, lines like “I’m going to kill you… and I’m going to enjoy it!. All it’s lacking is a Nic Cage cameo (luv u). Plus it looks like at least three gondoliers get eaten by sharks. That’s what you get for charging 80 euros an hour!

And it’s not enough to simply be a movie about fucking sharks in fucking Venice, they had to throw some asinine “plot” involving the Mafia and the lost treasure of the Medicis in there, too. You know, the Medicis ruled Florence, not Venice. And I’m sure that will be the only inaccuracy in this movie.

Related: Fuck Yeah Sharks

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