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Give me cable or give me death

Write What You Know: I Know That ‘Vh1’s Celebrity Rehab’ is the Most Compelling Drama to be Aired Since The Motherfucking Moon Landing

11.19.08 by Natasha | 3 Comments | Digg This

Remember when you saw Allison take her first hard-pull of dust-off on Intervention this summer? Remember how it made you feel like you were, to put it in Allison’s slurry words: “walkiinng onnn sunshiine?” Well, Celebrity Rehab is like that — ALL THE THE TIME.

In no way does my adoration for this show come from my desire to be camp or ironic. I just can not overstate how down-right enthralling Celeb Rehab is. Well first: ignore the word “celebrity” these are all z-listers who, with exception of the demonic Gary Busey, you wouldn’t recognize even if they were performing a pelvic exam on you. So just focus on the rehab part: these motherfuckers have HIT BOTTOM. And because of they occupy such a low wrung on the Fame Ladder there’s actually very little delusion or discussion about being famous. So all the self-importance is gone and all that’s left are people whose most destructive vices control them. And it makes me cry when they’re so earnest about getting clean!

The clincher is Dr. Drew. Without him Celebrity Rehab would be like so much of the other emotional snuff that saturates the reality TV market. At first, we questioned Drew motives, but now we are convinced: Drew is the Florence Nightengale of the Celebutards. Drew is a dude who loves his job and cares about his patients — be they confused tween phone callers of Love Line or ‘roid-riddled female wrestlers named Chyna. The man is just trying to expand his public service. Some critics have argued that Drew’s class and appeal comes from his honest attempt to improve people’s lives. “It might be easy to mock these C- and D-listers, but Dr. Drew never gives in to the urge. The dispassion of his clinical diagnoses is strangely comforting, and at odds with the flamboyance of his patients.” I agreeee!

Drew is struggling this season. Several times he’s gotten overwhelmed by the psychosis of his patients. More and more Drew is forced to weigh an individual’s drama against the tranquility of the group. His own battles, frustration and perseverance is enough to get you hooked.

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