In spite of being in tatters after decades of warlords battling each other, horrific religious violence, and running off all the really talented people like Iman, Somalia has got one thing going for it: PIRATES.
With piracy considered the most lucrative career in the country, these motherfuckers aren’t prancing around in eyeliner, doing Keith Richards impersonations, swilling rum, or chasing eights*. They’re highly-trained and extremely well-armed. Earlier this week Somali pirates hijacked the Sirius Star, a Saudi supertanker the size of an aircraft carrier and loaded with 2 million barrels of crude.
They also practice a lucrative sideline in ransoming hostages, with a London-based think tank estimating they’ve racked up about $30 million in ransoms this year alone. Last month they hijacked a Ukrainian ship and, when told that so far only $1 million of the requested $20 million ransom had been raised, their spokesman snapped “That is worthless. It would only pay for several nights’ stay in a hotel!”
PIRATES GOT TO GET PAID, SON.
Props to Where’s My Jetpack? for the image.
*Natasha: What are 8’s???
Sarah: It’s a kind of gold coin the Spanish empire used… I think. You never heard that term before??
Natasha: pesos? this sounds like some pirate-lore. poppycock!
Sarah: Wikipedia, BLAM! Apparently it was actually silver.
Natasha: Me= moated
Sarah: I WENT TO COMMUNITY COLLEGE!!