(We aren’t still using “dropped” for “album release”, are we? Because I hate terminology that makes me think of testicles.)
So this week Guns n’ Roses’ long-awaited album Chinese Democracy finally shat and got off the pot; after a wait of about 97 years, 14 different studios, and the loss of the entire original band line-up (with the exception of Axl Rose, who is now almost 50 and these days known more for getting into sissy-boy slapfights with Tommy Hilfiger than for rocking out). Shit son, this album concept is so old that using “Blank n’ Totally Unrelated Blank” for a band name was still cool when it was first proposed.
Rolling Stone gave it 4 out of 5 stars, and Chuck Klosterman raves about it. I listened to it on the bands’ MySpace page, and okay, it doesn’t suck. Although I’m maybe not the best person to review it, because I was never that into metal as a teen (besides ironically doing the Axl Dance to the opening of “Paradise City”, which was required of all members of Generation X) and thought that Rose sounded like a tomcat being neutered without anaesthetic.
But here’s the thing: Can any album measure up to the years of waiting and hype that preceded Chinese Democracy’s release? The Stone Roses only played this game for a third of the time between the release of their debut and second albums, and it unleashed such a fury of disappointment among fans that British screenwriters are still making jokes about it.
Basically the only way this album wouldn’t have triggered the “meh” response in me is if it was either the most mind-blowingly awesome album of all time; or if it was so bad that it sounded, in the words of our editor Natasha, “like your parents having anal sex”.
At least we can all get a free Dr. Pepper out of it.