Tina Fey is like the lady version of Barack Obama - in that almost everything that comes out of her mouth is swoon worthy. And like Barry, she makes it seem virtually effortless. Unfortunately, this is not the Tina Fey that comes across in Maureen Dowd’s Vanity Fair piece, What Tina Fey Wants , on the woman nearly every smart girl in America would smack clams with. Instead, the article obsesses over a newly madeover Fey who transforms herself from ugly duckling to princess and scores a bunch of great jobs along the way. Sad clam.
Dowd puts Tina’s career path on a timeline whose successes are attributed to better haircuts and loss of lbs. Like a Cathy cartoon come to life, Dowd writes,
Elizabeth Stamatina Fey started as a writer and performer with a bad short haircut in Chicago improv. Then she retreated backstage at S.N.L., wore a ski hat, and gained weight writing sharp, funny jokes and eating junk food. Then she lost 30 pounds, fixed her hair, put on a pair of hot-teacher glasses, and made her name throwing lightning-bolt zingers on “Weekend Update.
Would anyone ever attribute Will Ferrell’s success to not eating carbs after 7pm? People, have we learned nothing from the stellar performances in the epic film Showgirls? Beware the savage female underminer!
Want another Dowd zinger?
“Given her frumpy start in comedy and her wooden start on 30 Rock, it was a dazzling Cinderella moment… She got her own slipper, writing and willing herself into the role, and the shoe wasn’t glass. It was a silver Manolo Blahnik.”
For real, Maureen? The last thing Tina Fey would ever want is to be compared to an $800 high heel.Says fellow tumblr Lindsay Robertson “Noooooooooooooo. No SATC shoe metaphors in a Tina Fey article. Tina Fey represents the exact opposite of all that shit.” True dat.
In all fairness, Dowd does uncover two great mysteries - how Fey got that scar on her face and what Bob Tuna’s real name is. But if I were her, I would not expect a gift of 21 pairs of Christian Louboutins to arrive at her doorstep as a thank you note from Tina Fey for like, totally getting her.