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When the lights go down

We Review Movies So Ben Lyon’s Doesn’t Have to! : ‘Mall Cop’, We Wish Chris Farley Was Still Alive

12.16.08 by Ande | 2 Comments | Digg This


It’s movies like this that are going to put Hollywood on the Next to Ask for a Government Bailout list.

Imagined pitch to studio execs for Paul Blart: Mall Cop“He’s fat! His name rhymes with fart! He works at the mall! ROFL ensues!”  Meanwhile, hungover execs are updating their Facebook status and throw out: ‘Put a gay mustache on the fat guy and we’re in business.’ And then you get magic like ‘Mall Cop’.

This movie’s target demographic: Senior citizens waiting to die, those assholes that trample people at Wal Mart on Black Friday, and seven year olds who don’t have the BALLS to tell they’re apathetic parents, “yo, that movie looks fuckin retarded.”

Fact: Mall Cops were invented in 1983 to run suburban kids out of the only place they could  hang out. Any movie that humanizes mall cops is dangerous and further undermines The Westfield Movement. (HOLLA BACK TOPANGA PLAZA!)

FEEDBACK: Gabe from Videogum/ leader of the guerilla market graffiti-rati we believe uses the right visual elements and sophisticated sense of humor to further illustrate our point. Witness artistic brilliance after the jump!

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