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Golden Globes – Or One Giant Audition Tape for Celebrity Rehab?

01.13.09 by Ande | 1 Comment | Digg This

Oh, actors!

Those silly artists like to express themselves by postulating their craft into walking ads for┬áPromises. But they’re just acting, right? It’s an image. And we’re just imagining that they are flailing across our TV screens looking like they are on day two of a “lost weekend.” And we have to assume that it was all just an act because we don’t want to get sued for joking about their alleged drug use. Alright, onward then.

We must have missed the memo where Hollywood sent out notices to a bunch of A-listers advising them to show up to the Beverly Hilton like it was 1983 and a Colombian drug lord would be their waiter for the night. Not only were there several nods to the blow – Seth Rogen wanting to partake with Mickey RourkeColin Farrell stating he had the sniffles and not that other thing he used to be known for, but there were several seemingly unsober looking thespians running around in their Badgley Mischkas and Alexander Designs (God bless Tracy Morgan, the face of post-racial America). Judging by their giggle to word ratio, inappropriate wearing of sunglasses, and crazy as f*** demeanor, the following actors probably definitely got the memo:

*Drew Barrymore and Jessica Lange – holding hands, giggling, Texas hair = a night of bonding with a painkiller or two tossed back for good measure.
*Robert Downey Junior – sunglasses, weird non sequiturs, Texas hair = general RDJ douchery or something more?
*Jonathan Rhys Meyers – dude just looked bad. Like Shifty smoking crack on the roof while Dr. Drew tries to get him down, bad.
*Ricky Gervais – just plain wasted. Socially acceptable because he’s British. And cause he’s chubby.
*Tracy Morgan – I hope this man continues to do whatever it is that he is doing because it works perfectly for him.
*Mickey Rourke
– thanking dogs (dead and alive) and Axl Rose in a speech = something hard and cheap that he scored from a one armed man in Venice or method acting?

Fine performances by all. Can’t wait for the Independent Spirit Awards where EVERYONE is wasted and wearing jeans.

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