 Joe Biden was like that popular, involved-in-everything (French club, track team, tax audit enthusiasts, class president — or maybe VICE president, HMMM?) guy who was still inexplicably nice to even the nerdiest of nerds. You also know that he had the same girlfriend for like ever. But that one time at a party he gave you a ride home, you wanted the hug goodbye to last forever. |
 Nancy Pelosi - Given her surname you know that this was the girl who taught you how to properly wax your eyebrows and upperlip. You and Nans would occasionally carpool but she would get pissy with you when you were just, like, 30 seconds late! Christ, let’s face it you had several pages of burn book devoted to that uptight ‘yatch. |
 Huckabee- I mean, people do we even have to say it? I shudder to think what kind of disgusting lawn clippings kids in Arkansas were forced to smoke back in the day. |
 Wait, I thought these were high school yearbook photos? Someone must have slipped a photo of George W. Bush at his bachelor party into the deck. |
 Check out Blagojevich. You know he was a booger-eating dork that even other nerds made fun of. No wonder he grew up to be so power-hungry: He spent his formative years getting shoved into lockers and trying to impress the jocks with his drawings of ligers and rambling stories about shooting wolverines in Alaska. |
 Hey, who’s this handsome yet slightly douchey-looking devil? HOLY SHIT IT’S CHENEY. Let’s all thank the merciful deity of our choice that pure evil is bad for the complexion, because if Cheney was still this good-looking, in addition to being an evil genius, he’d be President Of The Entire World, Forever. |
See the rest of the photos here and invent your own origin stories.
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It’s all spelled out in Cheney’s eyes. That cold-blooded gaze is sizing you up, figuring out how best to take advantage of you. Those are Haliburton eyes.
Also:
Could Hillary look any more like Tracy Flick?
Could Gore look duller?
Could Giuliani look gayer?
They called him Fingerblastin’ Biden on the cheerleading team
I dunno, I think Gore was hot. Although you kind of can hear his interior thought processes: “I am Al Gore. I am the wealthy scion of an aristocratic southern family. It’s good to be me.”
W. looks like a guy I know who got off meth by joining the army. Poor Biden, when I look at him, I think of how he still has the innocence in his eyes… well at least not the tragedy of what was to befall him. (death of wife and child) Can’t you clearly see the tragedy that just wears on and on in his eyes. Like a wounded dog is that man. One that presses on… It makes me feel bad when I accuse him of being an opportunist. I can see Huckabee playing his bass and chiefing out on a doober. Pelosi was pretty! She doesn’t look like the woman on a mission with all the piss and vinegar of the woman she is now. I like her, but sometimes, I swear, it looks like she’s been douching too much and it somehow drew her mouth up. Same thing with W.’s wife, what’s her fucking name? Poor Blago, he is God smacked by the 70’s in that pic. Even then, he was making poor hair style and clothing decisions. You’d think he’d have gotten a clue by now about his helmet head hair, but no, some things never change. The MOST SHOCKING OF ALL IS CHENEY. I thought it was the 2nd cousin, not quite as cute, of Paul Newman. I have a difficult time imagining Cheney young. I look at that guy and think… you mean Cheney was once young, had a grin that said: “I can get some pussy and you know it mother fucker”? Are you sure it’s not Paul Newman’s 3rd cousin? You know how Paul Newman had the classic “cute half Jew / half goy” look? That’s what Cheney has… my God, he was once a pussy getter now. That flat top though, I mean, if girls were fucking him it was because he was on the football team and shit like that. Really though, even then, he had that kind of thing cornered. Yeah, Cheney was always a bastard. It’s kind of like… what the fuck God? Then you look at the troll he has become and figure… well, let him live now… let him live as the troll. Don’t heart attack him yet God, no, let this fucker suffer it out and die a miserable fucking death. Then, you feel horrible all over again for your own disgust with Cheney, a person you don’t know, but despise. This is a fucking awesome post.
Oh yeah, I came here looking for Milk VS Wrestler fight. I can’t believe the this page isn’t just dripping with Oscar coverage. Do you all have the flu? Are you having personal crisis? No? Then get on the mother fucker. We want Oscar, we want Oscar. I want to argue about Milk VS Wrestler then somehow turn it into a thing where Penn got the Oscar because his dad is Jewish, the committee is Jewish, and he’s got that Jew on a mission to liberate the queers thing on his side. It could be the committee is Jewish and Queer, and what a coup for Queer Jews right? Then, I want to start feeling like a fucking racist for saying all that shit. I want to feel the guilt of that, then I want to painfully admit that I have seen neither movie and don’t know what the fuck I’m talking about. From there you can nail me to the cross or stone me to death. I’m ready to be a martyr for Mickey Rourke because he’s such a beautiful comeback loser. Though, it enhances the mystique that he did lose. I mean, would he be Mickey Rourke if he had won? He would not be dripping with the tragedy and small beams of hope… the unappreciated talent… the dark kind… no, he would not have been him if he had won. It’s almost like to win is to be the cool kids in high school, but at the oscars it’s reversed. The ones who win are the ones who are willing to sacrifice everything… lick liberal causes right in the asshole… like penn… OR marry a hideously ugly Jew director, fuck him, and pretend you like it like winslet. Yeah I fucking said it. That’s how she got that oscar. Anti-semites across the web cry foul each year as the Jews fuck us again with shit picks for political reasons. Case in point: 8 fucking oscars for slumdog? O.K. maybe it’s good, but is it that goddamn good? No. They’re licking Indian ass for some political reason. What they don’t know is what the Clintons didn’t know. You can help mongoloids and negroids, but you better be doing it out of the kindness of your heart, BECAUSE THEY WILL NEVER HELP YOU. Now go look at a map of India, the one that shows population density and realize how overcrowded they are… that means only one thing. They need to be westernized and put to fight in a fucking war against pakistan. That’s what all the ass licking of slum dog was about. fuck it. It can’t be that goddamn good. The Oscars = Jew show for rewarding people who make movies about causes the Jews are interested in…. That’s all the fuck it is….
I haven’t seen either of those movies and I haven’t paid attention to the Oscars since I was in high school. IN THE LATE ‘80S. Go holler on someone else’s post, wonk.
Well you sure as fuck ain’t missed nothing. I get it though. I’m out of here. Sorry.