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WE ALWAYS KNEW HIPSTERS WOULD BE THE DEATH OF US: America, Meet Your Outbreak Monkey.

04.29.09 by Sarah | 8 Comments | Digg This

2008 was the year that hipsters went crazy for bacon, putting it in everything from chocolate to booze and practically wiping their asses with it. Not content with having ruined fixed gear bikes, Nike high-tops, and the entire Obama candidacy; 2008 was the year that hipsters bent their black frame eyeglassed-gaze on bacon, the heretofore innocent treat of our Sunday breakfasts.

In 2009, we’re all gonna die of Swine Flu*.

Coincidence? I think not! Thanks, hipsters. It’s not enough you were smug and annoying; because of your stupid ironic love for all things you — from your lofty perch atop piles of trust fund buxx — consider amusingly “common”, you’re responsible for the downfall of western civilization. Good going! Will your blood lust never be complete? How many more hearty meals must you sully and impressionable youngsters must you grift until you’re satisfied??!?

*Maybe. But then again, we didn’t all contract SARS or bird flu and get eaten by sharks just as the world ended because of a tragic lack of honey, so maybe not.

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