Has Paul Newman circa 1967 been knocked off the top of moms’ Guys Who Aren’t Your Dad I Want to Do It With list and been replaced by a cross dressing (alleged) cock fiend? The fact that your mom wants to rub one out to Adam Lambert is both a mystery and a phenomenon. While tween girls are hesitant to give Adam their precious vote, lest he put a ring on it one day, moms are channeling their inner fag hag and riding the Glam train to Cougarville.
I was lucky enough to get a ticket to Tuesday night’s Kris/Adam gangbang finale showdown. There was no oxygen at the Nokia Theater – only the pheromonal stench of seven thousand moms, tweens, and gay dudes. And once Adam took the stage and showed his tongue, letting free his signature high pitched shriek, the entire crowd began ovulating.
Adam Lambert is the all encompassing package. It’s more than his pretty eye makeup that would make that tranny working at the MAC counter envious. In the eyes of moms everywhere, his sexual ambiguity allows him to take on the role as the prodigal son and daughter. Lambert with his sparkles and light goth meets Fonzi wardrobe manages to encapsulate both edgy and non-threatening.
He’s both the bad boy your mom dated in high school – the one who dropped out of community college and now breeds rabbits for a living – and the civil engineer she ended up marrying.
Your mom is going to be stoked when you give her that Glambert calendar or his CD covering Frank Sinatra songs or his underground gay sex tape for her birthday next year.