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Fashion Weak

This Summer’s Slave-Girl Sandal: The Fedora, The Douche Helmet.

06.01.09 by Natasha | 6 Comments | Digg This

The fedora has reached wallet chain proportions/trucker hat proportions, you guys.

I’m super sad about the loss ‘cause I FEEL YOU on the whole Hepcat “I’m really into early reggae” cajun bluesman aesthetic. But now that THEY (ie  The Corporations) have started mass producing  rigid, pink,  fedoras with dainty Jonas Bro’s logos stamped all over ‘em, doncha think we should let the tweens dress like Dick Tracy and walk away? 

Remember two summers ago when the fedora was the fashionable way for college men to flout their backwards hat and J. crew clad oppressors? The fedora was, for a brief moment, the best way to grab Ed Hardy by the balls and declare “Hey! I read the Onion and appreciate meaningful music!” But we quickly reached the tipping point: Justin Timberlake.

 

Now I love J.T. just as much as the next girl who spends her lonely Saturday nights breathless between sketch comedy cameos. But when Justin rocks a style YOU KNOW that shit is gonna blow up road-side-bomb style at the local mall and then the Kris Allen lovin’ tweens usurp our flat brimmed crown of authenticity.

More bad news:  ladies, y’all can’t pull it off either. The problem for we vadge-laden is Mary Kate. So Justin was doing “dapper” thing and he introduced it to the regs (regular people).  But MK was the one who brought it to the hipster-ladies. She stepped out of her coke mansion in a bohemian sack and fedora and BAM: CHAOS on the streets of Brooklyn! Art schoolgirls didn’t know which way was cool.  Were they trying to look good? Or like they didn’t give a fuck?  Side question: do they really NEED those suspenders to hold up those denim cut offs? No, no, and NO!

 

This is a RARE fashion moment that we should all fear. The hipsters AND the regs  have embraced and played out THE SAME piece of fashion item at THE SAME time! It’s like when you time travel and you run into yourself in the past. THE WORLD EXPLODES.

 

Also, Freddy Kruger wore a fedora.

 

Ps. Blacks can still wear them because THEY DO CAN ANYTHING (Including walk through walls and be president.)!! 

 

 

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