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Let's Get An '08 Ball And Do Some Party Lines

New York Times to John McCain: “Sorry, We Don’t Accept Calligraphy On Papyrus.”

07.21.08 by Matty | 3 Comments | Digg This

The Drudge Report has it that John McCain tried to submit a rebuttal to Barack Obama’s recent editorial, “My Plan For Iraq.” The Op-Ed Editor, David Shipley, responded:

“It would be terrific to have an article from Senator McCain that mirrors Senator Obama’s piece [...] I’m not going to be able to accept this piece as currently written.

At first, I assumed that McCain had chiseled his rebuttal into a stone tablet, or perhaps spent all night setting type in his basement printing press, or wrote it in middle English a-la Beowulf, but then I read the piece on the Drudge site. It’s terrible.

And I don’t mean terrible the way McCain’s sense of humor is terrible, like it’s full of misogynistic jokes and self-effacing Ha-Ha-I-Have-Alzheimer’s references. I mean the man can’t write.

We’ve got some gems for you after the jump.

Now, I’m sorry to subject you to such a large chunk of McCain’s writing, but you can’t get the full impact of it unless a paragraph is rendered in its heinously constructed, unsequenced and flowless whole:

Perhaps he is unaware that the U.S. Embassy in Baghdad has recently certified that, as one news article put it, “Iraq has met all but three of 18 original benchmarks set by Congress last year to measure security, political and economic progress.” Even more heartening has been progress that’s not measured by the benchmarks. More than 90,000 Iraqis, many of them Sunnis who once fought against the government, have signed up as Sons of Iraq to fight against the terrorists. Nor do they measure Prime Minister Nouri al Maliki’s new-found willingness to crack down on Shiite extremists in Basra and Sadr City—actions that have done much to dispel suspicions of sectarianism.

There’s the utterly confusing introduction of an unnecessary and furthermore uncited quotation in sentence one, followed by the stunted and awkward sentence two. I guess sentence three is okay, but it still reads funny, and the last sentence wouldn’t fly in a fifth-grade book report, let alone the Op-Ed Page of the New York Times.

I kinda figured McCain would be smart enough to get a ghost writer. Or at least have someone edit it. He has no rhyme or reason. Oh, wait. My apologies, he’s got one rhyme: “The situation now is full of hope, but considerable hard work remains to consolidate our fragile gains.” Nice! That’s how you landed a beer baroness, eh?

And he LOVES the comma-separated clauses, to the extent that when I get to the end of a sentence I have often forgotten what happened four clauses ago. It’s the literary equivalent of having Alzheimers and hiding your own easter eggs!

During the course of eight visits to Iraq, I have heard many times from our troops what Major General Jeffrey Hammond, commander of coalition forces in Baghdad, recently said: that leaving based on a timetable would be “very dangerous.”

Okay, nurse. I think it’s time for Johnny’s nap.

via Gothamist

Image Credit: Bold Lentil

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