Everything's Going to be All White

Yes, But Where Will The Youngs Buy Their Autotune Jams?!: The Opposite of a Eulogy for Big Box Music Stores

06.17.09 by Ande | 34 Comments | Digg This

The New York Times has gone and laid a faux nostalgia egg on us with its piece lamenting the closing of the last NYC Virgin Megastore. Honestly, there are 10,000 things I feel sadder about than the closing of music stores (like Mad Men spoilers! Booo!). Burn the fuckers down for all I care. Big box chains were just glorified shrines to record companies, anyways (corporations, you guyssss). Also, they made every asshole with a Little Prince tattoo all the more self-righteous about hawking you the new Sigur Ross b-side on vinyl. 

I buy music. Lots of it. And like the rest of the non self- aggrandizing percentage of the population that actually finished college because they didn’t want to sell used Moby CDs for a living, I do it online. According to one guy quoted in the article, the closing of music shops is a hit to the community.

“It does matter because it was also a social gathering space, and that’s one thing that buying music online lacks.”


Really, Bro? I didn’t feel a sense of ‘community’ as a young pad purchasing a Bon Jovi door poster. Speaking of posters…what the hell ever happened to Prints Plus! Where do today’s youth get their masturbatory Jonai posters from? This the silent victim of the internet: posters! Cause, like, why ever buy a Carmen Electra wank poster when you could just download 500 jpgs for free! But still, I’ll pour it out for the poster section.

Anyways, I’ve never experienced that warm fuzzy feeling of community and likewise equated music stores to be a social gathering space for scabies. I didn’t enjoy feeling judged by the Hot Topic adorned, facially pierced (think 90s y’all) meth addict working the cash register for purchasing a Radiohead album alongside an Ibiza Trance Party Mix 2000 CD.

So to the record stores, you had a nice run, but I’m not really gonna miss you all that much. It’s not like they’re taking the music away forever. They are just making it easier for you to buy and getting rid of that clunky CD case that is taking up space in your otherwise grown up living room.  Let’s not be sad that a dinosaur is dying! Let’s wave our caveman clubs in victory and feast upon the succulent nectar of the online fruits … like Apple! Wish I could buy a Steve Jobs Poster :(.


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