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Lifestyles of the Bitch and Blog Famous

Whore of Quotetania: Pulitzer Prize Winner’s Slot Is Filled By The ‘Less Than Impressive’ 26 Yr Old Ben Lyons

07.23.08 by Natasha | 23 Comments | Digg This

Fuck. Yes.

Let’s get insidery and bitter:

Ben Lyons is filling in one of the slots at the now vacated Ebert & Roper show.

Fameballing ain’t just an internet game, beloved readers.

Ben Lyons used to write for E! Online movie section.

I used to do film criticism for E! online. I never met Ben. But I certainly heard of him.

There are some really brilliant people who write film criticism over at E!. It’s not glamorous. And I don’t care how easy you think it is to write 500 words about the hard-on Dark Knight gave you on your Tumblr. Try writing 300 words about mediocre zombie movies and still-born pregnant raunch comedies for roughly 5 bones an hour. You do it cause you love movies and writing.

Then there are some who simply want to get blurbed on a movie poster and will tailor their review to make sure it happens — no matter how awful the movie. Dirty secret: Even when your media outlet slams a movie the studios will still call some one they know to be blurb-friendly from the same outfit. The blurb-whore will give a rave quote out and the studios will slap it on a poster. I can’t even convey how frustrating this is. For example:

I AM LEGEND ( Tomatometer: 69%).

E! critic Chris Farnsworth said:

“The big problem is Neville’s descent makes the chance of hope at the end seem false… Despite the sci-fi setting, the implications are a little too real to be wrapped up so neatly.”

Ben Lyons from E! said:

“Unbelievable. Remarkable. One of the Greatest Movies Ever Made.”

That made it on the print ad. Top of the print ad. In the NYT.

More hackery after the jump!

The Golden Compass (41% on Rotten Tomatoes)

E!’s Fransworth enjoyed the movie though he called it “overstuffed”

“…if you can’t admire the scenery during the slow parts and the detours around logic, you’ll probably wish you’d skipped this ride.”

Lyons from E! said:

“The Golden Compass takes its place amongst the great fantasy films of all time. In the tradition of The Lord of the Rings, Harry Potter and The Chronicles of Narnia”

I could go on. But you see my point. It’s just sad. Film criticism is THE most accessible, dynamic, vibrant type of criticism out there. Ebert was one of it’s granddaddies. This kid is a fucking joke, he used work the red carpet for E!  snuggling up to celebs, handing out Kim Kardashian swag. He knows nothing about movies. He doesn’t deserve to lick the bottom of Pauline Kael’s sticky Keds. He did however lick of one the Hills girls.

Grumblecakes.

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