Fuck. Yes.
Let’s get insidery and bitter:
Ben Lyons is filling in one of the slots at the now vacated Ebert & Roper show.
Fameballing ain’t just an internet game, beloved readers.
Ben Lyons used to write for E! Online movie section.
I used to do film criticism for E! online. I never met Ben. But I certainly heard of him.
There are some really brilliant people who write film criticism over at E!. It’s not glamorous. And I don’t care how easy you think it is to write 500 words about the hard-on Dark Knight gave you on your Tumblr. Try writing 300 words about mediocre zombie movies and still-born pregnant raunch comedies for roughly 5 bones an hour. You do it cause you love movies and writing.
Then there are some who simply want to get blurbed on a movie poster and will tailor their review to make sure it happens — no matter how awful the movie. Dirty secret: Even when your media outlet slams a movie the studios will still call some one they know to be blurb-friendly from the same outfit. The blurb-whore will give a rave quote out and the studios will slap it on a poster. I can’t even convey how frustrating this is. For example:
I AM LEGEND ( Tomatometer: 69%).
E! critic Chris Farnsworth said:
“The big problem is Neville’s descent makes the chance of hope at the end seem false… Despite the sci-fi setting, the implications are a little too real to be wrapped up so neatly.”
“Unbelievable. Remarkable. One of the Greatest Movies Ever Made.”
That made it on the print ad. Top of the print ad. In the NYT.
More hackery after the jump!
The Golden Compass (41% on Rotten Tomatoes)
E!’s Fransworth enjoyed the movie though he called it “overstuffed”
“…if you can’t admire the scenery during the slow parts and the detours around logic, you’ll probably wish you’d skipped this ride.”
“The Golden Compass takes its place amongst the great fantasy films of all time. In the tradition of The Lord of the Rings, Harry Potter and The Chronicles of Narnia”
I could go on. But you see my point. It’s just sad. Film criticism is THE most accessible, dynamic, vibrant type of criticism out there. Ebert was one of it’s granddaddies. This kid is a fucking joke, he used work the red carpet for E! snuggling up to celebs, handing out Kim Kardashian swag. He knows nothing about movies. He doesn’t deserve to lick the bottom of Pauline Kael’s sticky Keds. He did however lick of one the Hills girls.
Grumblecakes.
It is disgusting when it seems like everyone is playing on the team and busting their ass… then, the coach puts his son in (who always sucks) and fucks the whole game up. The real question is… whose pocket is this motherfucker in? See, that career ain’t built on merit. It’s built on someone else’s influence. That’s what is going on there. As for “Ebert & Roper”, it started sucking when Siskel died. Instead of one tool, Roper, now we have two! Thanks God! Thanks for creating a society where people with real potential are pushed aside by the sons and daughters of the ruling class. Thanks for that God. Thanks for George W. Bush, who no way in hell, would have ever graduated high school without his powerful dad. Thanks for all that death, war, and shit that came with him God. We appreciate it. It’s a very unfair world full of Ben Lyons’… forget about them and do your thing. I have to go get struck by lightning now for slurring God. Really though, at this point, I’ve seen enough of it. I’m like, whatev… God, just send the lightning already. Fuck.
Couldn’t agree more, this is guy is a giant f*^&*#& hack in every sense of the word. Have you ever listened to him on the radio, Im pretty sure he’d give Uwe Boll a thumbs up if it meant they could have a photo op together at Lucky Strike with Greg from Real World Hollywood. He makes Ryan Seacrest look like the Ginsu knife of edgy hosts by comparison. While I have heard he is a nice guy through my E! friends, it doesn’t change the fact that he is wildly underqualified for this gig. The cardswiper lady at my gym is nice, it doesn’t mean I’d put her in charge of the country’s healthcare plan.
I caught him eyeing my poodle one day!
This is depressing, indeed. *sigh*
It must be refreshing, however, for Tom Arnold to be included in an article about a no-talent hack without being the actual subject matter himself. Good for him.
@Tim Siedell: HA! Bull’s eye!
That miserable little pus eating shrimp should have been fed to dogs instead of given- yes, GIVEN- this high profile job. Well, Disney sucks, the show’s been unwatchable for some time, and it’s only going to be a matter of months before this guy becomes firmly ensconced in his rightful place as a national punchline. Dink.
Tom Arnold is awesome.
[...] my movie reviews don’t suck quite as hard as Ben Lyons does. Or as hard as Rambo fans [...]
I appreciate all the feedback, both positive and negative regarding my new gig on “At The Movies”. It’s a tremendous honor, and a great challenge for me that I’m looking forward to. Siskel and Ebert paved the way for people like my father, as well as the late,great Joel Siegel, and Ropert as well. At the end of the day, all I can offer the viewers at home is my honest, informed opinion, and I have done that for the last 3 or so years on E!, and before that MSNBC, and MTV. When push comes to shove, the experience of going to the movies is supposed to be an enjoyable way for people to spend their hard earned dollars. They also have the power to inform, educate, inspire, amaze, and unite us. I love watching movies. We all do. I watch at least one movie every single day, and often times more than that. I am so appreciative of the opportunities and experiences I have had. I hope people will continue to watch ‘At The Movies’ as we look to generate passionate conversations about the week’s new releases as well as the hot topics in the industry. We all are critics in our own right, and I love when people approach me with their thoughts on the latest flicks they have seen. Hope you guys give me a chance to win you over this fall. Best wishes, Ben Lyons
I apologize for the typo in my previous comment. I was writing from a blackberry and my thumbs are too big for the keys! Richard Roeper is hands down, one of the great film critics of all time. His reviews on both AT THE MOVIES and in THE CHICAGO SUN-TIMES have been nothing short of inspirational to me, and made me want to get in the business in the first place. He is a giant in the world of television, and I look forward to meeting him someday…BL
[...] to another edition of ranting and raving about a movie trailer before Ben Lyons can drag his knuckles all over it and declare it “the best movie trailer of October 2008, this [...]
Who knows if this is the real Ben Lyons, but it sounds like he is trying to get a blurb on the ad for Roeper’s life: “Richard Roeper is hands down, one of the great film critics of all time. His reviews on both AT THE MOVIES and in THE CHICAGO SUN-TIMES have been nothing short of inspirational to me, and made me want to get in the business in the first place. He is a giant in the world of television, and I look forward to meeting him someday…”
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@ ‘Ben’
If you honestly regard I Am Legend as one of the greatest movies of all time, your opinion is no way near as informed as you think.
If however, you don’t believe that I Am Legend is one of the greatest movies of all time, then you are a vapid corporate shill with little or no integrity.
Either way, you’re a douche.
OK. So there is army of people out there that despise this twerp. That’s a given. And it seems pretty likely he is the main reason why the ratings have plummeted on “At the Movies”. And ratings drop means less money for Disney right? So my obvious question is this:
Why is he still working there?
I used to look forward to that show. Now, I can’t grab my remote fast enough to change the channel. I’m serious, whenever that show comes on, his face and voice actually causes me nausea.
He obviously has no shame and could care less what others think (unless of course you’re a celebrity). But doesn’t Disney care?
How have they not FIRED this guy yet???
What really sucks is now there’s going to be a lot more unemployed retards who are going to start more useless websites like this. Go help feed the hungry, or something
oh, I forgot. You’re twats.