Variations on a Theme

If regret had a face, it would be that tribal sun tattoo wrapped around a belly button.

07.28.08 by Ande | 11 Comments | Digg This

A US study has found about one in five tattoo wearers were dissatisfied with their body art, but only about 6 per cent decided to get advice about having it removed. Whether or not they are admitting it out loud, the recently tatted are starting to feel the pangs of regret about putting that Chewbacca on their forearm. They also found that most of those regrettees were women. Cause no matter how classy that rose tit tattoo looks in a halter top, your best friend will be lying to your face when she tells you it looks precious in that wedding gown.

Tatts were reserved for the marginalized class of society your suburban sprawlings were supposed to shelter you from. And then one day, that slutty girl in your government class went and got herself a rose tattoo above her tit. And soon after that the frats were getting their favorite literary characters, Calvin and Hobbes, peeing on rivaling university logos tattoo’d on their calves. And suddenly everyone has a tattoo, not just criminals and white trash.

The greatest tattoo you’ll ever see and more witticisms after the jump!

I consider myself totally open-minded (gay babies should be raised by non-married, abortion loving, illegal

aliens – with health care!), but I still think tattoos are retarded. And I know I sound like an Irvine soccer mom when I say this, but pictures don’t belong on skin. A torso does not double as a picture frame. There is no quote in the world I can see loving so much that I would get it permanently etched across my back (where I would only see it while undressing in a Nordstrom dressing room). And those personal tattoos, you know the ones people get put on themselves for the world to see only to be told, “it’s personal” when you finally ask what the hell that tattoo is supposed to mean – WTF is that?? Getting a tattoo on certain (deviant) regions of your body will limit you to a life of food service.

I’m not the only one staring at your Shakespearian quote tattoo and thinking surely that is in no way making up for the fact that it probably took you several times to pass the GED. I’m not saying all tattoos are stupid and suck-worthy. I’m just saying that I don’t get the 99% of those that are.


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