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Variations on a Theme

A 10 Day Retrospective: REGRET HAD THE BEST WEEK(ISH) EVER!

07.28.08 by Sarah | 2 Comments | Digg This

Roll the clips!

1.Shia LaBeouf was arrested for DUI last night after drunkenly colliding with another car and flipping his truck at the intersection of LaBrea and Fountain in Los Angeles. He had to have hand surgery; also some other people were hurt, but they’re not famous so no one cares. Come back when you have an agent!

2. Cuil you guys!! The search engine that will destroy google!! It was started by some ex-Google employees and it launched today. And well… failure ensued. But come on, it’s a cooler verb! You guys can “cuil yourselves”. No? Kay.

3.Robert “the Prince of Darkness” Novak hit an old hobo pedestrian with his black Corvette on Wednesday and tried to flee the scene. Black Corvette? Bob, you are not 19 and this is not 1986. Get an Oldsmobile. He claimed not to have seen the pedestrian, even though the victim was reportedly “splayed onto the widshield” of the convertible.

Novak, who is notorious in DC for aggressive driving, once screamed “Learn to read the signs, [bodily orifice]!” at a jaywalker and later told WaPo, “I really hate jaywalkers. I despise them. Since I don’t run the country, all I can do is yell at ’em. The other option is to run ’em over, but as a compassionate conservative, I would never do that.” But apparently hitting people who are crossing on the walk signal is totes kosher.

4. The MSM Regrets That They Were Forced To Ignore These Potentially Huge News Stories While Catering To Obama’s Fame-Whoring Last Week . The National Enquirer is reporting that John Edwards has a mistress and a “love child”–how quaint! Democrat sex scandals are sooo boring. None of them ever gets popped for trolling for anonymous gay sex in restrooms or sucking somone’s dick in their sleep. Gawker is wagging their finger at the MSM for ignoring the story, because apparently the tabloid that gets sued for libel repeatedly is a bastion of journalistic integrity.

5. On the eve of The Dark Night’s premiere, Christian Bale got into a shoving match with his mother and swore at his sister on the set of T4. Reportedly this was his response to Mom Bale insulting Mrs. Bale because Mr. Bale wouldn’t give Sister Bale $100,000. It’s like trailer trash on a larger, more expensive scale! Instead of money for beer and smokes, Sis wants 100 grand, and then Mom starts calling her daughter-in-law a whore.

Best Week Ever thinks they have it figured out: Jenny Bale is a part-time clown, and the method actor snapped and forgot he’s not really Batman.

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