1. Martinis. Three shots and a snack dressed up as classy.
2. Waitresses at 24-Hour Diners. Anyone who smokes three packs of More Ultralights a day in a throwback sunshine yellow polyester dress can
call me “Honey” all she likes, so keep the coffee coming.
3. Michael Caine’s accent. He could tell me he killed my mother, and so long as he told me slowly with a cockney drawl, I couldn’t get mad.
4. Old men who want to give me advice about women. “Pick the one with the biggest tits and never look back.” True story.
5. My Cock. Hey Balk: mine’s bigger.