You’ve seen this creature everywhere from your local Jamba Juice to the glossy celeb mags: She’s the frumputante.
Frump-yoo-tahnt - noun: Derived from the American word frump (meaning slothlike slob) and a derivative of the French word, debutante (it’s what white people did before My Super Sweet Sixteen). A woman aged 15-60 who exerts little to no effort when it comes to maintaining personal appearances because she is deluded by the fact that a name brand purse or fancy pair of sunglasses counts as effort.
Inspired by both utter laziness and an admiration for gauche label whores like Paris Hilton and Kim Kardashian, the Frumputante began living in sweat pants but had the vision to top off her ensembles with a small, yet easily identifiable Louis Vuitton bag or oversized Gucci sunglasses. Cause like you know, celebs have those things. This downward spiral of laziness and celeb worship led our frumpy hero to regularly spend Friday nights in her Frumputante uniform sipping on a Cadillac Margharita at the local high calorie Mexican food chain party restaurant.
The Frumputante grew up in Anytown, USA. She’s new money wealthy. She was a poor to average student and didn’t blossom into full blown Frumputanteness until her college years. She attended an underachieving, party hard, state school where she majored in something like communications or early childhood development and rushed a sorority that years later would have the reputation as “the fat girl” sorority.
Post college, the Frumputante had babies, never lost the baby weight, and would demand a new Fendi bag or Prada sunglasses from her husband every couple years on Christmas. And since they sell those things at Costco, hubby obliged and they all lived Frumputantly ever after. The end!
How to spot a Frumputante: Look for the raggedy sweats, unstylish (or overstyled - too bleached or too flat ironed) hair, a huge label of some sort worn as an accessory, and a parade of Croc wearing kids following behind her size 16 body.
Where to spot a Frumputante: The mall, Costco, chain restaurants, amusement parks.
Are they hostile creatures? Frumputantes are generally harmless but tend to be moody because of the damn kids, hubby’s antics, and impending credit card debt.
AAAHHH!! These are also the chicks who –when they’re parents don’t buy them an audi– drive white Jettas!
You see so many of those if you have a Friday class at USC. They move like they can feel every iota of last night’s newly added beer fat.
Oh man, at the high school I went to the REALLY rich girls would slink around class wearing cashmere sweaters, giant button pearl earrings, sweet 16 diamond necklaces … and sweatpants. Bonus points if said sweatpants came from Windridge Tennis Camp.
I blame them for the hideous “summer scarf” trend. What, are you too damn lazy to put on a sweater?
i object to the MK picture. clearly she wears a lot of questionable items, but would probably die before putting on a pair of sweats.
@Meredith
Maybe true but she fits the the definition doesn’t she? She essentially wears a burlap sack, stockings, bug glasses, and big gucci bag filled with daddy issues
They look like what they are; vapid strumpets who would suck my dick if I had coke to share (and I do!).
@ Natasha, @ Quintus,
No, see, we’re confusing them! The distinctions are vague, but I think it comes down to:
MK will blow you for coke; a true frumputante will only blow you for an engagement ring. MK has daddy issues, and frumputantes want to make you a daddy. But only if you’re in the good-looking frat.
Take the opposite perspective of this arguement: the sales clerk. As a former employee of Nordstrom, I know what stress comes with in trying to deal with the “richtarded” offspring of golfers, lawyers, and actors. These young women and men do not have neither the drive or intellect for success because family money is strong enough to ascribe to “permanent vacation”, so they take this path and use it in full integration.
In the unfortunate event of having very little cognitive worth, so is the subscription to “flashy fashion”: that is, garments and fashions that offer no merit to unique design, but rather a similar design all it’s own, standing out identifiably as it’s own brand. This is indeed the fashion of frumputante: Juicy Couture, True Religion, Louis Voulition, Coach, D&G Dolce and Gabana… these brands possess no unique design, but rather, a variation of the norm that possess frumputante identification. “Hey, everyone! Check out my Juicy track jacket, True Religion jeans, LV handbag, coach track shoes, and D&G sunglasses!”. Said person would have a frumputante value off the chart, but more than likely a cognitive worth far below the bell curve.
I hope this brings light to the identity situation. While posture and ethics or taught in different institutions, their language will either be trashy or lacking advanced composition, and their socialization worth will be very low and apathetic.
I hope this sheds some light on the subject. To return to my point: these people are fish and barrels for sale clerks: “Hey buy this! It’s in fashion!” is more or less the language addressed to the frumputante, and often leads in a sale.
You know how back in the day, “soccer moms” became a target demographic for politicians trying to get votes? Obama’s people should have a strategy for “frumputantes.”