You’ve seen this creature everywhere from your local Jamba Juice to the glossy celeb mags: She’s the frumputante.
Frump-yoo-tahnt – noun: Derived from the American word frump (meaning slothlike slob) and a derivative of the French word, debutante (it’s what white people did before My Super Sweet Sixteen). A woman aged 15-60 who exerts little to no effort when it comes to maintaining personal appearances because she is deluded by the fact that a name brand purse or fancy pair of sunglasses counts as effort.
Inspired by both utter laziness and an admiration for gauche label whores like Paris Hilton and Kim Kardashian, the Frumputante began living in sweat pants but had the vision to top off her ensembles with a small, yet easily identifiable Louis Vuitton bag or oversized Gucci sunglasses. Cause like you know, celebs have those things. This downward spiral of laziness and celeb worship led our frumpy hero to regularly spend Friday nights in her Frumputante uniform sipping on a Cadillac Margharita at the local high calorie Mexican food chain party restaurant.
The Frumputante grew up in Anytown, USA. She’s new money wealthy. She was a poor to average student and didn’t blossom into full blown Frumputanteness until her college years. She attended an underachieving, party hard, state school where she majored in something like communications or early childhood development and rushed a sorority that years later would have the reputation as “the fat girl” sorority.
Post college, the Frumputante had babies, never lost the baby weight, and would demand a new Fendi bag or Prada sunglasses from her husband every couple years on Christmas. And since they sell those things at Costco, hubby obliged and they all lived Frumputantly ever after. The end!
How to spot a Frumputante: Look for the raggedy sweats, unstylish (or overstyled – too bleached or too flat ironed) hair, a huge label of some sort worn as an accessory, and a parade of Croc wearing kids following behind her size 16 body.
Where to spot a Frumputante: The mall, Costco, chain restaurants, amusement parks.
Are they hostile creatures? Frumputantes are generally harmless but tend to be moody because of the damn kids, hubby’s antics, and impending credit card debt.